Since we last met…
(musings) with Karen Abi-Karam, Issue 2
Over the last six weeks, I’ve been refining a chapter for an academic textbook and received feedback from two reviewers – both with PhDs – and lots of experience with this kind of writing. Some valuable critique but no significant areas to re-write; surprising, (to me at least), given this is my first foray into the scholarly sphere and it’s been a bumpy ride – but that’s another whole story!
Anyway, the chapter is focused on the many aspects of my journey from ‘mother-in-waiting’ to ‘woman-without-children’. It discusses my experiences in relation to Multiple and Multi-Dimensional Transitions Theory and the XII Pillars of Successful Transitions (Jindal-Snape, 2016, 2023). As part of this, I make reference to the ceremonies I undertook during this time and it’s the feedback on this element that I’d like to share with you, if I may. In fact, it was more of a question than a critique and it raises an interesting area to ponder…and, coincidentally, is the same one Kate and I discussed about me addressing in this newsletter!
The reviewer asked whether what I included is ritual rather than ceremony. It’s not the first time I’ve considered this question and I do make distinctions, so having different words to apply is valuable. However, finding consistent definitions is a complex business – if, indeed, even possible! Academics (from anthropologists to divinity and ritual studies scholars) don’t seem to agree and many take a different slant to the practitioners (both secular and religious) who create and conduct ceremonies and rituals. Let alone the myriad beliefs held by those who commission, attend and even build their lives around them.
For me, as an Independent (read: secular but spiritually inspired) Celebrant, a ceremony is an event that commemorates one or more person and/or experience. Beyond that, I attach very few parameters – apart from the intention with which the ceremony is created and conducted. I’d argue that as long as a ceremony is held with intention, it does not need to be attended by anyone, other than whoever is conducting it. Neither does it need to follow a specific format nor last for any particular length of time. It can be religious or secular or infused with elements of both and held to commemorate something in the past, the future or an ongoing situation.
In secular communities, I would say that ceremony is mainly confined to marking thresholds – the junction between endings and beginnings. Most commonly, we hold ceremonies at the beginning of life – naming ceremonies. At the end of life – funerals. To mark the union of two people – marriages and civil partnerships. But also, for example, to celebrate academic achievements – graduations. In fact, however, in each of these situations, the ceremony marks both an ending and a beginning – the end of pregnancy; the start of life without our loved one; the end of single life; the start of a new chapter.
On a more public stage, we have opening and closing ceremonies at big sporting event and cultural events – like the Olympics. And, for example, we see award ceremonies in many professional contexts, including the Arts – with the BAFTAs, Oscars etc.
What I’m trying to say is that, in principle, any ending or beginning could be commemorated with a ceremony – adoption, divorce, menarche (first period), monthly menstrual cycle, menopause...the list goes on. And in some cultures and traditions, they are…or have been.
On the other hand, I would say that rituals are the individual elements that either come together to form a ceremony or remain standalone enactments. When included in a ceremony, each ritual would be employed to mark a particular aspect of the overall narrative. For example, in a wedding ceremony, there might be the ritual of exchanging the rings, the vows, signing the register – even the order in which the participants enter the space might be a ritual enactment.
As standalone enactments, rituals might be built into our daily lives or feature, only, at certain points. For example, they could be anything from lighting a candle to mark a day of remembrance to planting a tree to commemorate a loss. Whatever the situation, I would argue that – like ceremony – ritual is differentiated from routine, habit or even tradition, by the intention with which it is enacted.
Let’s take the simple act of making a cup of tea, which can take on a different significance depending on the intention attached to it. It might be performed in the same way each time (habit); at the same time of the morning (routine); because that’s how my grandmother always made it (tradition) but hold no significance because it is undertaken without conscious and mindful attention. Or, it might very well be the sacred and private way we choose to honour the start of a new day or acknowledge everything that has unfolded as the day comes to a close – or both.
Tradition is not to be dismissed, though, as many occasions take on increased importance exactly because they have become traditional enactments – for us, individually; in our families; or more broadly in our communities. Certain times of the year, family gatherings, birthdays, public holidays and many more occasions can have ritual elements to them. And tradition, may very well add to this. For example, let’s take the humble birthday cake – blowing out the candle, making a wish, sharing with guests might all be seen as important rituals. As might the way we decorate the house.
Equally, there are dates in the secular calendar that straddle both ritual and ceremony, like national holidays many of which have their roots in religious or ancient festivals (like Christmas or Easter or May Day – in the UK). These different seasonal and cultural events have become moments to get together as many people have time off work and kids aren't at school. Whether people are celebrating as a religious festival or not, there will be rituals taking place in homes around the country…or globe for that matter. Although not ceremonies, the type of meal eaten, the people invited and the way everyone interacts i.e. playing games or going out for walks can be seen as rituals.
However, perhaps in non-religious contexts, the ceremony and/or ritual aspects are being overshadowed by ‘the party’. It is true that food and drink are important parts of many ceremonies but I would suggest that the feasting seems to be as close as we get to the ceremony, in many cases. The buying of certain foods, wearing certain clothes, undertaking certain activities or buying gifts is all too often becoming led more by a commercial imperative than any sense of meaningful intention.
If that’s the case, then we are in danger of losing something very important – critical, even. I would argue that ceremony and ritual is important because it puts a line in the sand; creates a moment to focus; gives us an excuse to reflect; to pay attention to the person, the milestone, the threshold that is being honoured and acknowledged.
In secular, capitalist society there are precious few moments to stop and reflect. For the most part, there aren’t weekly or even monthly ceremonies that punctuate the year like there are in religious or spiritual contexts. Times for quiet reflection and for coming together to build community are lacking – and there are consequences. But let’s save that discussion for another day.
In the meantime, thanks for indulging me. Having had the time – here – to explore the difference between ceremony and ritual, I’ve got a clearer idea of how I will address my reviewer’s feedback before I submit my final draft. A problem shared as they say! So, until next time…
Further reading:
Jindal-Snape, D. (2016). A-Z of Transitions. Basingstoke. Palgrave.
Jindal-Snape, D. (2023). Multiple and multi-dimensional educational and life transitions: conceptualization, theorization and XII pillars of transitions. In International Encyclopedia of Education (Fourth Edition) (pp. 530-543). Elsevier.
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